give your life a lift

sad thoughts from lonely people

2004-11-08T16:59:00.000+08:00

longing for your presence
the sweetness you bear
the gentleness that covers your wholeness,
those things i miss..
those dazzling eyes
innocent yet deep
stares so gentle
yet pierces my heart
gazes that soar deep into my inner space,
those things i truly miss..
i miss the sound of your laughter
the happy moments we shared
smiles so lovely
that fulfills and satisfies my soul
you teach my heart to be pleasant and kind
you teach my mind to be satisfied
i miss your endearing touch
the touch that tamed my heart
you gave light in me
shed the darkness that blinds me
now that you're gone
it feels cold and empty
everything is so blurred before
i can say it is until now
yet one thing is clear..
i am certain.
it feels incomplete without you.

free

2004-11-08T16:32:00.000+08:00

I was about to say something
something I want to say for the longest time
to release the load i have in me
but something tells me not to
a voice dictating me to stop
I don't know what to do
I don't know what else to think of
I just wish I could have a break
a break that will stop everything
a break that will freeze time
A break where only I can move
so I can walk and look around..
free..
without anyone to look and criticize.

thoughts from the past..

missing you

2004-11-03T23:35:00.000+08:00

longing for your presence
the sweetness you bear
the gentleness that covers your wholeness
those things I miss..

those dazzling eyes
innocent yet deep
stares so gentle
gazes that soars into the deepest recesses of my heart
those things I miss..

I miss the laughter that echoes between us
the happy moments we shared
the bridge that extends myself to you
that fulfills and satisfies my soul
everything is blurred now yet one thing remains clear
I am certain..its you I miss

let me memorize the lines of yourhands
the contours of your face
the way that leads me to you
every detail of your face that I once stared
the traces of tenderness
the traces of love
hoping that someday we'll meet at a crossroad
the day when longingness fades
and face each other....again

kaibigan, alam mo bang naisip ko...

2004-11-03T13:10:00.000+08:00

Mula ng pagkabata, pabibo lagi ako. Nakikipagkilala lagi....at nababadtrip kapag ayaw makipagfriends o makipaglaro sa akin. Noon ang kaibigan ko ay yung mga kalaro ko. Kapag hindi ka bati, hindi kayo friends. Minsan may kampihan pa ng friends. Kung hindi ka bati ng kalaro ko, di na rin kita bati. Ganoon lang kasimple. Ganoon lang kababaw.

Sa paglaki ko, unti-unti na rin naiiba ang konsepto ko ng pagkakaibigan. Hindi lang basta sa laro. Malimit ang mga pagkakataon na nagkwekwentuhan na kami at nagsasabihan ng mga sikreto. Mga kwentong project at labanan ng sections, at mga kwento ng mga crush.Nagsasabihan at nagdadamayan na din sa mga problema. Kahit kung iisipin ngayon mababaw ang mga problema noong grade school at highschool, it doesn't matter.Basta masarap ang experience na may friend.

Kung may panahon na marami akong friends, may mga pagkakataon din na feeling ko wala. Lalo na nung tumatanda nako.Ewan ko kung bakit pero yun talaga ang nangyari sa akin.Yung tipong friend lang sila pero di talaga yung "friend". Gets? Meron kasing mga panahon na nagiintay ako ng magtatanong sa akin kung ok lang ba ako. Pero as usual wala naman, kahit feeling ko sobrang OA ko na talaga sa pagpapapansin. Wala pa din.Ilang beses ko ng narinig na sinabi sa akin na, " Ang dating mo kasi independent. Malakas ang loob at parang di na kailangan ng karamay kasi kayang-kaya mo na yan." Tama sila dun.."parang". Parang lang pero syempre kailangan ko ng taong makikinig sa akin. Masarap sana kung meron sana akong kaibigan na magtatanong ng "ok ka lang ba?", " kamusta, ok ka pa ba jan?" , kahit hindi na ako ang magopen-up ng problema ko. May mga panahon na naging malungkutin ako na konting kabadtripan lang ay naiiyak na ako. Kahit sa sobrang babaw na reason. Minsan nga may maalala lang ako, at yun may waterworks na ako. Para na nga talaga akong sira minsan. Feeling ko tuloy, minsan nahihirapan na akong magkwento ng nararamdaman ko in full details sa isang tao. Kasi minsan ako lang ang nabibitin. Meron kasing iba na minsan may panahon makinig, minsan walang panahon makikinig. Minsan maaalala, minsan parang may amnesia. Minsan may iba na," Sige, pagusapan natin ulit yan ha.Kwento mo sa akin ulit yung iba..", pero, asa ka pa, wala ng next time.

Sobrang dami pa ng mga pagsesentimyento ang meron ako sa mga kaibigan ko. Minsan, sinubukan kong sabihin sa kanila ang mga ito...pero ganon pa rin. Ganon na nga lang siguro talaga yun. Hindi ako galit sa kanila. In fact, mahal ko ang mga kaibigan ko. Minsan nga lang talaga may hinahanap ako na feeling ko di nila maibigay.

Minsan nga dati sa aking pagiisip, naiyak talaga ako. Kasi naman hanap ako ng hanap, nasa tabi ko lang ang gustong makinig sa akin. Si GOD. Siguro ang tagal-tagal ng hinihintay ni God na marealize ko na," Ano ka ba!kung saan-saan ka pa naghahanap e nandito naman Ako." Pero minsan, tinanong ko din si God kung ganito na lang ba talaga? Pwede bang humirit ng isang friend na makakatabi ko physically. Hindi ibig sabihin na God is not enough ha..tanong ko lang naman kung pwede ba o may ipapadala ba Syang "friend". Yung makakusap ko ng harapan, magta-tap ng shoulder ko pag may problema ako, o kaya sasamahan ako maglibang pag gusto kong maglibang.

Sa ngayon, iniintay ko pa din sagot ni God sa tanong na yun. Malay natin, mamaya may lumapit sa akin at tanungin ako ng, "Ok ka lang ba?kamusta?" Sa mga friends ko, wag kayong magalala, hindi ako galit sa inyo.May times lang talaga na nakakatampo kayo, pero hindi ako galit..promise. Sa ngayon, masaya ako. Naisip ko din kasi tutal kahit anong inarte ko minsan wala rin naman. So, I chose to be happy. Nagsesenti pa rin ako. Naiiyak pa din ako. Pero, kailangan after nun, happy na ulit ako.Yun din ang message ni God sa akin...gusto Niya masaya ako.

To let go takes love

2004-10-14T14:22:00.000+08:00

To let go does not mean to stop caring, it means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off, it is the realization that I can't control another.
To let go is not to enable,But to allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not try to change or blame another, it is to make the most of myself.
To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging outcomes, but allowing others to affect their own destinies.
To let go is not to be protective, It is to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny, but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold or argue, but instead, to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires but to take each day as it comes, and to cherish myself in it.
To let go is not to criticize and regulate anybody, but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and to live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and to love more!!!

..thoughts from a person in the past.